Searching...

So this last month or so has just been hectic. I've started looking for a JOB... No I'm not EXCITED about it but I'm excited about the possiblities. (and the money in our pockets) My husband and his entire family don't want me to start working for the sole reason that I'd have to put Bear in daycare. I dont like the thought of someone else "raising" my child - but I also don't like the idea that I am the only person in the world he deals with on a daily basis. I've thought of all the pros and cons - and it seems like my pro list is overflowing. Bear (who just turned 1) is attached to my hip- while I LOVE this - it also has its set backs. He's even getting to the point that he doesn't like to stay @ his grandparents... and my husband can't even get him to bed @ night, I usually have to do it. I don't want to take him to his first day of Kindergarten and be the mother with the screaming child stuck to her leg. I LOVED staying home with Jacob, and I wouldn't take the last year back for anything. But I think being here 24/7 is stressing me out. Which may sound stupid to you working mothers. But spending the entire day chasing dirty diapers and snotty noses, picking up a 6yr old from school who just complains till you wanna pull your ears off, and cleaning a dirty house that never stays clean is not that satisfying. Not to mention not having a TON left over @ the end of bills to be able to DO anything. I literally see the inside of this house 90% of the day. Granted, I go "window" shopping and run errands. But how fun is shopping to find stuff you want and love - knowing you can't really get it??

I love my family, and God has truly blessed me. There are sometimes I just don't understand HOW we got to do the things we do, have the things we have and I know that its only because the Lord watches over us. He provides for us. We are firm believers in tithe! and he never lets us down.

Needless to say - I HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW! I am very interested in it and I'm super excited. A little nervous, which will turn into ALOT nervous before long.... We'll see! <3